Parents Nightmare – A 16 Year Old Newly Minted Driver

A new teenage driver in the family can be a parent’s nightmare. It does sound scary, but in addition to all the licensing requirements, if you are a good role model as a driver-parent, half the battle is won. Here are some tips to make a teenage driver get off the ‘Mad Max’ mode and become a model driver you can be proud of.

• Most children look up to their parents as role models. If they see responsible driving behavior from the time they are young, they will be imbibing good values. From the beginning, drive responsibly, with sound judgment and safety and it will percolate to the youngster.
• Speak to your teenage about the perils of drinking and driving or getting into a car with a drunk driver (same with drugs).  This is an important conversation that should be done in a setting where you will get their full attention.  While not condoning irresponsible behavior, pledge that you will always be there for them if they get into this unfortunate situation.  Better to pick up a inebriated teen in the middle of the night than allowing them to endanger themselves.  If this situation occurs and you drive them home, wait till they are clear headed and speak to them about their behavior.  Do so in a calm voice.  Some sort of tough but fair punishment gets the message firmly established in their minds.
• Upward of 5000 fatalities of youngsters take place each year due to driving related accidents. To help prevent it happening to your loved ones, ensure that you establish clear, firm rules, conditions and limits when you allow a teen to get his or her license. This will act as a reasonable ‘safety net’ for the teen. Experienced Instructors recommend a minimum of 40 hours of supervised driving, even though the state may recommend a lesser time period. The supervision should take place under as many different types of driving conditions, which will enable the teen to become a good and confident driver. Personally, I made each of my daughters drive 80 hours under supervision before I allowed them to get their license.  I heard the litany of teenage complaints but stood firm.  in their twenties now, they look back and tell me they appreciate the tough barrier I put in their paths.
• For learning to drive put the ball in the teen’s court. Let the teen make the request to learn driving, this way you will have a subtle upper-hand. Be supportive, but establish the ground rules that are empathetic and fair.
• If you decide to be the teen’s coach cum instructor, you should know what to expect from each other before you start the drive.  Clearly let them know beforehand what route you will be following and what maneuvers you will be trying out. Repeat the exercise till your teen feels confident of what you have taught. Do not get rattled even if mistakes occur, it is a part of the learning curve. Be supportive at all times. Rebukes will only bring you nervousness and resentment on the part of your teen.
• Since teens reflexes are highly tuned at this stage, they tend to learn fast. However, you as a parent should prevent it from turning into overconfidence. This is why it is important not to appear to be talking down to the teen. Negative comments such “At this speed you are going to have a major pileup” should be avoided, instead try “What is the speed limit on this route?”
• When teaching the teen to drive only instructions pertaining to driving should be given. Do not chide him for some chore he forgot to do at home. Everything has a time and place.

These are tips I am writing for instructional purposes only and I urge all readers to formulate your own plan to teach your kids responsible driving.  A teen is a ‘work-in-progress’ and they should be handled tactfully but with firmness. When they know that you are being fair, instructions will get through more quickly and be obeyed instantly. A well trained 16 year old should give you only a mild sense of worry [a default parental setting] and not a nightmare.  On the other hand, pat yourself on the back, for you have given your teen an important skill on their journey to adulthood.